Tri-tip made me late! So good. Renee CoverGirl winking totally cute!

8:06
Yay CariDee! Where’s her beautiful blonde hair? She doesn’t look as good.

8:07
I can’t decide which one I like more. I guess, I’m team Renee. Natasha would be amazing though.

Now after weening de compeeteetion…

8:24
Renee better not be sent home because she’s too old.

8:11
Jaslene is cute, but commercials? Not so much.

8:09
This challenge isn’t as fair if they don’t have lines.

Why is Renee in a wind storm? She’s a natch! Yay Renee!

8:12
These are very glam cover girls.

It bothers me that Renee and Lisa (previous cycle) are told they look to old. Why is the modeling industry so consumed with the malnurished girls that look like middle school boys?

The Break Breakdown
Sorry I wasn’t able to put a quiz together for the finale. I wasn’t really expecting the late nights at work, coming down with a cold or, you know, getting ENGAGED! And I thought life before my left ring finger found a diamond friend was busy. I guess we’ll just have to wait for next cycle to come up with some quizzes and polls and junk. And there will be another cycle because you know Tyra will take on anyone that gets in her way.

8:19
Oooh Sass & Bide. LOVE THEM!

Natasha’s commercial? LOVE IT! You know, for a foreign trainwreck.

8:20
Her smile is such a liar.

Her lips don’t look very good. In my opinion, these CoverGirl shots are never anything fabulous. They don’t look normal. I think Renee rocked it because she actually showed real personality in those boring shots.

The Break Breakdown
I don’t understand why CoverGirl is used as the big decision for who’s going to be Americas. Next. Top. Model. I understand they are a sponsor, but they have the same girls as covergirls. They pretty, but girl next door pretty. And most of their competitions are about editorial modeling. I know they’re looking for versatility, but it seems like a Vogue-worthy photoshoot should be the final competition, not the cookie cutter CoverGirl commercial.

(Read on …)

Even though I’m not quite rested from my blog/ANTM Live Blogging! hiatus, I’m definitely excited about this being the final four. I can’t really say that I have a favorite. Renee is pretty funny, you know, being all crazy. And Jaslene would be a good winner since that would ultimately mean Tyra failed when she gave her the boot last season. And then there’s Natasha. Dionne, eh. I could do without. Here we go!

8:05
Oh and the sexy music goes on. Natasha is making out with the phone while talking on the phone. Babeey!

Bushwacking in heels? She is a hot competition.

8:07
So I’ve been to Australia. They tell you to stay away from the Aborigines because they’re mean and scary. Well, all except the ones who have a show at the zoo/boomerang school.

Oh this challenge is interesting. You’ve got girls from Seventeen magazine judging an aboriginal storytelling dance.

8:09
Aw, Renee was abused? Give her the top model crown! I think she’s my favorite. She’s like a dysfunctional Miss America who wins the pageant even though her kid attacked her with finger paint.

8:10
These stories are a little sad. And Jaslene is only moving her mouth: All. I. do. is. live. love. and. laugh. yay.

8:16
Why are these stories all depressing? A yellow circle representing my life as a model and the baby is in it?

8:18
Natasha is actually moving around and not saying anything. Standard.

(Read on …)

ANTM Live Blog fans — all one of you — I’m not sure if I’ll be able to live blog tonight, as my TV is behaving badly. I’ve put him on timeout and he still isn’t cooperating. Perhaps he’s upset that Lappy is getting more screen time than him. Who knows, but Matt (the fixer of all things electronic) is on his way and hopefully will coerce TV outta the dark slump he’s been for a couple of days.

Scratch that! Matt here! TV fixed and out of mush pot! They need to change this theme song! What crazy antics will Jael pull tonight? Will Matt quit changing the channel during the commercial break to see if the Warriors are still ahead? We’ll find out soon as we enjoy the next installment of America’s Next Top Pretty(ish) Crazy Girls!

8:02
Jaslene’s right, the Preshah ish Ohn! Who is gonna crack under it?

I think Jael took to heart all the times her teacher could only come up with “you’re special.”

8:04
April! The RO-BOT-IC girl.

She’s come to life, as opposed to the season she was on.

8:09
This is the episode that convinces me I need to try out for this. So what if I’m too short? So what if I’m not model gorgeous (very close!)? I can hold a conversation.

8:11
Seriously, what mental condition does Jael have? I’m putting TMZ to the test to find some clinical findings.

Natasha! Oh I love her.

The Break Breakdown
Maybe it’s the fact that my brain isn’t working fast enough between typing and watching, but what the heck just happened? First April comes back and stops a couple potential cat fights, then there’s swimsuit optional swimming with playground balls in the pool, and then Tyra comes in dressed as a kangaroo and almost loses her do rag (or should I say roo rag?) to announce the girls are going to Australia.

I feel like ANTM is on drugs right now. Matt says it’s not confusing. Perhaps the crazy is seeping through the TV and infecting me. Brainwashing perhaps.

(Read on …)

Turns out the CW counted the first episode as two since there were two hours of crazy model craziness. So welcome to recap 25 billion, since like Natasha, we can spell/count however we want if it’s our name. Oh gosh. “Felicia” from San Francisco just welcomed us to the next episode. With that deep voice and strong jaw, apparently his/her mom went along with the whole naming means reality doesn’t exist bit. Which really means Natasha needs to live in San Francisco, mostly so we can hang out.

So we said Ta Ta to the overgrown toddler boy last week. This time I’m hoping to say goodbye to Jael. And here’s hoping for more Tyra counseling and some more playdough-like hairdos from Britany (see last week’s by scrolling down on Rich’s recaps on FourFour).

8:04
Are we sure this isn’t America’s Next Top Young Mom?

8:06
Does Whitney not have functioning eyeballs? She says Brittany’s hair isn’t that bad? She must be as good at seeing as she is at modeling. Ooooooh SNAPS!

(Read on …)

I have to admit, ANTM snuck up on me this week. I’ve been real busy with work that I haven’t been able to devote my time deciphering what Natasha is saying whenever she opens her mouth on this show. I hope there’s more of her this week! Forget predictions about who’s going to win. I want to know the next installment of Tyra’s headwear evolution.

8:02
Is anyone else somewhat bothered with the breathy theme song? Erks me every time.

The Break Breakdown
Let’s relive this, shall we?

8:05
Why hasn’t Dionne stepped up and pushed the geeky little boy that is Sarah. The only reason she got to see the extra frame because of Dionne’s previous work in retail.

8:06
Jaslene totally knows Melrose from all her amazing work. Like ANTM Cycle 7 and … ANTM Cycle 7. Go Fug Yourself? Oh wait, I don’t know if Jaslene does anything besides that “walk.”

8:09
Why doesn’t she have a stimulating conversation with all of her hoodie scarves.

8:12
Oh dear lord. Tyra must HATE Brittany. That hair. It’s so bad. All of the worst words cannot describe!

8:13
I don’t care how important you are, don’t offer someone a hankie and tell them not to get it dirty. Son, you can afford another Hermes hankie!

8:15
Pushing Jael into the pool is giving her too much gratification. “He thinks I’m cool and wants to mess with me! Dude, let’s hula hoop out our troubles!”

The Break Breakdown
So I realized the above Natasha clip is actually a bonus clip from YouTube user Harperslee. I don’t know where she got them, but when this episode is over, I’m going to check out all the bonus issues.

(Read on …)

There’s nothing like ANTM to make a stressful day better. That and some rockin’ tacos. What’s in store for this episode? Cat fights? Jael being normal? Well if there’s one thing we can count on, it’s an action packed hour of models. Oh and Tyra’s pirate do-rag… Here we go!

8:04
Yay, Natasha episode! She’s a mom? Oh dear…

She’s a feline mail order bride. That explains a lot.

8:06
Looking your worst may be the best thing that ever happened to you. Like last week’s crime scene? How could they look worse?

Too bad Melrose didn’t get the “how not to dress” lesson…

8:09
Renee has lost her goodwill vibes and is bashing the plus sized contestant.

“Will there ever be a plus-sized model on the cover of Vogue?” I think the question, Renee, is will this ever be on the cover of Vogue?

Ponder that a while, hunny.

8:17
Why would Dionne be picking out clothes when she almost got the boot for it last week?

8:18
I LOVE NATASHA! I’m going to use that excuse here and at work. “No, mister boss, it’s okay, when you make up a name, you can spell it any way you want.”

8:21
Aw poor Natasha. No respect.

And Stuart? He’s speaking in complete, articulate sentences. Total mail order bride.

8:26
This photo shoot was totally Miss Jay’s idea, wasn’t it? And it’s definitely not as cool as last cycle’s celebrity couple’s shoot.

8:28
Oh man. Renee does look better as a man. People shoould listen to me more.

And Jael? Totally Sonny and Cher.

8:30
And Sarah? I totally bought a mocha from him yesterday.

8:31
Dionne needs to speak up about the clothes thing. Seriously. It would up the ratings times five.

8:32
I told you from the beginning Natasha is the best part of this show. All the girls were confused as to why she was preparing and finding out more about her character.

8:34
WHY isn’t Mr. Jay on the panel. He’s the voice of reason. I guess he’s like Tim Gunn. The show favorite who’s stuck playing counselor to blase contestants.

The Break Breakdown
Why is Tyra dishing out a lesson on how to dress. Point that retired model finger right back around, missy. Scroll down here to see some of Tyra’s finale get ups.

8:42
Tyra’s pirate do-rag is gone! A headband, sure. Maybe the bangs are finally covering up last week’s bad weave. A lesson she needs to learn, case 1 and case 2.

8:43
Nigel said what we were all thinking about Jaslene: “You look like a good looking guy.”

Which one’s the tranny?

8:49
Just give the prize to Natasha now so we can just spend the rest of the episodes watching her?

8:52
I’m tired of these girls looking like boys. You don’t see that crap in Vogue.

8:54
I don’t know who the guest judge either, but she was definitely right on in the “next” comment for Jael. Hula hoop on home soon, please.

8:55
Will it be down to the plus-sized models? I thought post-retirement Tyra would keep them until the end.

8:57
Finally Diana goes home. Sorry dear, this competition is not for you. And everyone knew that from the beginning. Amazing though, how this show can suck the life out of vivacious people.

9:00
Well Matt just walked into the room with warm, ooey gooey chocolate chip cookies. I’m amazed that I’m still sitting here after typing that. It’s been fun ANTMers, and until next week, I leave you with this:

While playing outside with Cody, he caught the Frisbee in the air for the first time. Let’s hope this post-makeover episode will be just as, if not more monumental. Here we go…

8:05
Whitney gave up 9Gs to be a next top reality tv star best friend model. Obviously money well spent for a short-lived career in night club tours.

8:06
Renee’s stepping up and being a good person. And by being a good person, she’s making odd drawings of girls. With that haircut she’s kinda like the scary psycho brother from Wedding Crashers making a picture of Vince Vaughn.

8:07
This guy claims he started voguing like my brother used to say he made up walking like an Egyptian.

(Read on …)

Here we go again with the ANTM live blogging! This should be the hair episode. Who’s going to have the breakdown?

I’d be pissed if they made me look like a man, a la Jaeda:

8:04
Plus sized models don’t know how to pose to mask their rolls. Is it wrong that this seems doomed from the start?

8:05
Oooh Brittany said they could do whatever they wanted and she’d be okay with it. Can we say Jaeda? “It grows back fast”

8:06
Tyra needs to step away from the camera. Annoying. Ugh.

8:10
And now Brittany’s giving grief. But no cry session. YAWN.

8:11
Miss Jay is getting a makeover? Excitement! Much needed. He seems like the Mister while the other Jay wears the makeup of five Misses.

8:13
They transformed Natasha into Bai Ling and all of a sudden Brittany strangely looks like a Celine Dion knockoff.

8:14
What just happened: Tyra called. She and Mr. Jay made Jael get a Rosemary’s Baby after 8 hours of braiding and gluing extensions. It wasn’t elevating her to another level and it could potentially hurt her in the competition.

What really happened: Producers called. They said the episode would turn out boring because there was no crying. Go for the emotionally unstable girl whose extensions are barely hanging onto already fried and ruined hair. Say her chances are shot with the new hair, but really the ratings are down and the casting crew is being fired.

8:18
It makes her look like a skinny boggle head. Poor girl.

8:20
I’d cry too if I looked like a cheap Ronald McDonald tranny.

8:21
Again, I’m heartless, but I’m not all that surprised that Jael has a friend ODed. She seems pretty cracked out herself.

Also, all these girls freaking smoke. Ew.

8:23
Show more Natasha!

Why the double talking, Seventeen?

8:25
The puker won! See, they just encourage that crap.

8:27
Everyone says Brittany’s face is so strong, but I don’t see it. Maybe it’s got that quirky, not pretty thing that really works for some models. I’m also not convinced that she’s the most catty person they could come up with.

At this point, I don’t know who I want to win or who will actually win. There’s still no emotional connection. Somebody do something crazy!

8:32
Amazing how all these photographers just happen to have shot Tyra.

Get over it, Brittany! You have to sign a contract saying you’d get nude on command.

8:34
Do you hear what he’s saying, Diane? It’s all about how you pose, not how much you weigh. It seems like the people on this show seem to be over the plus size issue, why can’t she be?

8:36
Oh man, FourFour is going to have a field day with the Whitney comfort. Too bad I have to wait until Monday for his recaps!

8:38
The ice cream shoot was cute, but I’m wondering why the absolute need to go nude. Well, besides the need for ratings. But when they have Seventeen and Cover Girl as sponsors, perhaps they should consider their audience’s maturity level.

8:40
My guesses of who is going home? Unfortunately, it may be Felecia. Although, I don’t see Tyra kicking off mini Tyra anytime soon.

Who’s going to win? I have no clue. Jaslene? Again, I still feel as though I don’t know any of the girls. But then again, my predictions seem to put the girl in the bottom two.

Thank goodness Natasha did well. She’s going to be the main entertainment value this cycle.

8:43
For the love, Tyra! Why the wrap?! You gave all the girls good weaves, but you can’t afford your own? I’m beginning to wonder if the hair is attached.

Tyra admitted that being a model isn’t being real or a human being!

8:45
Natasha, too much? Never! Too squinty? Well, you made her hair look like a little China doll…

8:48
Cassondra! That is the worst sin of Top Model. Don’t lose your neck! And it can’t be good when all the judges are silent and are forced back trying to soak it all in.

8:50
How wide is Jaslene’s chin? Seriously, someone grab a ruler. Shouldn’t that be part of the makeover? They fixed Joanie’s snaggle tooth.

The Break Breakdown
These commercial breaks seem shorter than ever. Anyone who reads this may need to send some money over, as I may soon get carpal tunnel. Matt even noticed, “You haven’t stopped typing in the last 48 minutes.” This is true.

8:53
What is Tyra’s fascination with Whitney? No glimmer, no glam. And they say Jaslene doesn’t have personality…?

8:54
On the verge of model teardrops? What the?

8:55
I really have no idea who’s going home. Cassondra? If she does, at least she got a nice weave out of the deal instead of her sewn-on wig.

8:56
How come Renee has a mullet going on? She’s supposed to be Joanna, whose hair I adored! And almost got cut, which I’m glad didn’t happen because I have curly hair. But think about how much I’d have to like a cut to seriously consider it…

8:57
Diana needs to go home. Snoozer!

8:58
Bad choice, ANTM. But enjoy that weave, Cassondra.

8:59
Cassondra used the word “fierce.” Has it been used thus far this season? Have they banned it? That’d be sad, because that’s more of what the show needs.

Oooh another episode of ANTM. I was chowing down some Chinese food so I was a bit late. I’m going to try live blogging my comments. This live blogging thing almost makes up for the fact that I no longer live in a house with seven other ANTM addicts (and recovering Tyra bashers).

8:08
She must have learned her English on the moon.
Natasha: Ms. J says I walk like a Martian. So I think I’m doing well.

8:10
Tyra plugging herself through “friends” on her own show? No! That’s not her style…

8:11
Jael, there’s a reason everyone wants to walk perfectly and impress the judges. It’s because they want to win. What the heck are you doing here? Trying to get more play on your odd raunchy photos?

The Break Breakdown
Even though her CWTV photos make her chin look like the Grand Tetons, I think Samantha has a good chance to take it or make it as a top contender. But you never know with the quiet ones.

If you’re curious, Jay Manuel has a MySpace. Usually I try to wait until the season is over until I go looking for ANTM myspace profiles. Let’s see how long I can take it.

8:17
When will people get over the 80s kickbacks?! Overdone. C’mon Tyra, this better not be a prediction of the season.

8:20
Seriously, they don’t have boob tape?! And are Jael and Natasha related, because they’re crazies!

8:22
Okay, I don’t normally agree with what Sarah has to say, but that trophy was “redonkulous.”

8:23
Ugh, I hate that they’re having to talk about tension. Forget talking about it, pull a Jade on that. Can Lisa come back and live in the house? Like as an RA?

(Read on …)