Welcome to How-To with Emily. Today’s mission: Get two newspapers.

Step 1. Put on plain T-shirt and orange summery skirt.
Step 2. Don’t put on makeup.
Step 3. Leave hair slightly tossled from a night’s sleep.
Step 4. Exit house and head for your car. (Note: Do not put on shoes! This could throw off the whole plan.)
Step 5. Jog sprightly as to avoid collision with newspaper delivery man (a.k.a. poor victim in this scenario).
Step 6. Release iPod from it’s overnight imprisonment (it was on punishment, see previous post).
Step 7. Turn and face the house.
Step 8. Retrieve one of two papers left at the Atwood house and jog sprightly as to avoid further contact with intelligent lifeforms who could tell you followed Steps 2 and 3 (and 2.5 - not brushing one’s teeth) and who do not have any thing that they could give you in double.

Never underestimate the power of a skirt.

Telescope Eyes - Eisley
Please - Tristan Prettyman
Stars and Boulevards - Augustana

C’mon iPod Shuffle! I’m off to a job interview, I need something to pump me up!

Badd - Ying Yang Twins

Okay, iPod, I guess this will have to do. Where’d you get this song anyway?

I could tell by the way she walk that she got it

I guess this could work for an interview.

Body so delit, you can tell when she drop it.

Wait, what?

I don’t know what they’re talking about, but the bass is bumpin’ and I’m getting some confidence going on. I park the car with confidence. I bob my head to the beat with an I’m-a-white-girl-from-the-ghetto-who’s-about-to-show-the-Valley-what’s-up confidence. I get out of the car with confi … why, hello Mr. Potential Employer who doesn’t really seem to be fan of the Twins, no matter how Ying or how Yang.

Ooopsies. How was I supposed to know he would be standing outside of the building? And better yet, how’s this poor girl from the ghetto ever going to get a job?

For 25 years, Burt wanted something. Every day he prepared. Every day he dreamed. Traveling halfway around the world, he encountered numerous obstacles. But how can someone stop when they’ve spent 25 years deeply wanting? Instead of crumbling, he used his drive and Down Under charm to turn obstacles into friendships. His dream was to race his Indian motorcycle on the Salt Flats of Utah and set a speed record.

“The World’s Fastest Indian” was a great movie. You should rent it. But plots and characters such as these leave me questioning. What is my dream? Sad to say, but I have no idea.

What is your dream?

I uploaded pictures from the drive up the 5 freeway. It was like closing a chapter of my college story because it was like I was really leaving for good.

And if you haven’t registered for my Photo Gallery, do it now!!!

While I have enjoyed not working since graduating, I’m starting to get tired of wearing PJs more than regular clothes. Hard to believe, I know. Now I’m gearing up for a job interview I have at the end of the week. As I try to turn my greatest weakness into my greatest asset and pick out my most responsible-looking ensemble (”Lucy! Where’s my white collarless shirt with red seagull?!”), I am reminded of my favorite job. Sure, shredding paper for 8 hours a day in a windowless dungeon all summer sounds like the worst job ever. Toss in a radio, a camera and your cousin that decide you like after all … and I give you the best job ever.

Shred all the boxes’ innards.
(This was only a section of the wall.)

Scan all these stinky, dirty plans.

Jam on it! Jam on it! (Wiki wiki wiki wiki … Nucleus anyone?)

Fix jams with our ever-important invention: The Dooder.

Throw some more shredder food down from the crow’s nest.

Surf on the skeletal remains of the boxes.

Bask in a day’s hard work. Only a whole summer’s worth to go.

Perhaps I shall tell my potential employer that my greatest weakness is making the worst, most boring job fun. I’m sure he’d like that.

“Oh, most importantly, be ready for 1 o’clock.”

It had been a while since I babysat. Today I began at 11 and would finish in the evening. What was so important about 1 o’clock?

“Get him to poop in the toilet and save yourself the trouble.”

It couldn’t be that bad I said to myself as I assured her I’d be ready. When the phone rang 1.5 hours later telling me to be prepared, I still didn’t think much of it. How bad can that little guy be?

The time came and not even the promise of a Cheeto or Num Num* could produce the goods or very, very bads as I was led to believe. (*The sisters’ doing. I don’t like to bribe with these things. Rather, I keep them for myself!) Again, how bad could he be?

More time passed and I forgot about the ordeal. We were creating tracks for beloved Choo Choo and then we ran through the sprinklers. I began to doubt this little fella’s infernal innards. He denied it himself. And just when I thought that I’d escaped the wrath that is poopy diapers…

“My gosh!” I exclaimed. “You are a pooping machine.”

“Poop Masheene?” He thought it was funny. As if he had accepted the honor of a super hero. “Pooooop Masheeeeeeene!”

Thanks to the Webby awards, I may have found the best website ever.

Almost a week ago, we traveled up to La Grange, California to bask in the wonderfulness that is Don Pedro Lake. Lake Don Pedro? Whatever. I’ve been trying to think of a blog-worthy description of the outing but can only think of the phrases “hurts so good” and “yeah, the bruise is from water.” Robot thrashed us on the tube, you see, and oddly enough we kept asking for more! I moved around like an octogenarian for three days thereafter.

Last night a bunch of us went through the pictures (mine are in the gallery, but I’m adding Matt’s soon). We marveled again at Matt’s five-foot, board-grabbing jumps. Sara cleared the wake. Christine smiled as she tubed and looked fierce when she was wakeboarding. Spencer and Sean, well, they always look cool. Spencer even wakeskated (wakeboarding without bindings, like a skateboard)!

As for me, there were nothing but laughs when I was shown. A trip to Don Pedro and I learned that there is no possible way for me to look cute on a boat, in extreme weather or during watersports.

Well, maybe it’s not entirely impossible … as long as I have these two with me.

Will someone please tell the weather that 65 is not an acceptable temperature for summer weather?! Don’t let the sunny blue skies fool you, it’s just the same temperature as yesterday’s gray cloud cover.

I have figured out how my lovely readers can comment on pictures! Unfortunately, you must register. It’s not that hard, so I hope you all will take the time to do it. On the Photo Gallery page, hover over the gray menu bar on top. You may have to move it from side to side for whatever reason. Soon, two links will appear below the menu “register” and “login.” Click on register, sign your life away and it’s complete!

Now let your comments run wild and free!