ANTM Live Blog fans — all one of you — I’m not sure if I’ll be able to live blog tonight, as my TV is behaving badly. I’ve put him on timeout and he still isn’t cooperating. Perhaps he’s upset that Lappy is getting more screen time than him. Who knows, but Matt (the fixer of all things electronic) is on his way and hopefully will coerce TV outta the dark slump he’s been for a couple of days.

Scratch that! Matt here! TV fixed and out of mush pot! They need to change this theme song! What crazy antics will Jael pull tonight? Will Matt quit changing the channel during the commercial break to see if the Warriors are still ahead? We’ll find out soon as we enjoy the next installment of America’s Next Top Pretty(ish) Crazy Girls!

8:02
Jaslene’s right, the Preshah ish Ohn! Who is gonna crack under it?

I think Jael took to heart all the times her teacher could only come up with “you’re special.”

8:04
April! The RO-BOT-IC girl.

She’s come to life, as opposed to the season she was on.

8:09
This is the episode that convinces me I need to try out for this. So what if I’m too short? So what if I’m not model gorgeous (very close!)? I can hold a conversation.

8:11
Seriously, what mental condition does Jael have? I’m putting TMZ to the test to find some clinical findings.

Natasha! Oh I love her.

The Break Breakdown
Maybe it’s the fact that my brain isn’t working fast enough between typing and watching, but what the heck just happened? First April comes back and stops a couple potential cat fights, then there’s swimsuit optional swimming with playground balls in the pool, and then Tyra comes in dressed as a kangaroo and almost loses her do rag (or should I say roo rag?) to announce the girls are going to Australia.

I feel like ANTM is on drugs right now. Matt says it’s not confusing. Perhaps the crazy is seeping through the TV and infecting me. Brainwashing perhaps.

(Read on …)

Quite possibly the funniest video ever. Perhaps Will Ferrell’s finest moment behind the camera.

The Landlord:
(Read on …)

What do you call the combination of ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, relish, syrup, ice water, beer and Emily?

An Emily BBQ Sundae? No.

The new summer thriller, “When drunken condiments attack?” Close, but not quite.

It marks the official makings of a veteran Las Positas Ultimate Frisbee player. A couple years overdue, and funny since I never once had to do something “because I was a rookie,” but congrats to me! I now have the right to tell rookies to carry the disc bag, pick up garbage and massage my feet after a hard day on the field.

I want to call this place home.

Turns out the CW counted the first episode as two since there were two hours of crazy model craziness. So welcome to recap 25 billion, since like Natasha, we can spell/count however we want if it’s our name. Oh gosh. “Felicia” from San Francisco just welcomed us to the next episode. With that deep voice and strong jaw, apparently his/her mom went along with the whole naming means reality doesn’t exist bit. Which really means Natasha needs to live in San Francisco, mostly so we can hang out.

So we said Ta Ta to the overgrown toddler boy last week. This time I’m hoping to say goodbye to Jael. And here’s hoping for more Tyra counseling and some more playdough-like hairdos from Britany (see last week’s by scrolling down on Rich’s recaps on FourFour).

8:04
Are we sure this isn’t America’s Next Top Young Mom?

8:06
Does Whitney not have functioning eyeballs? She says Brittany’s hair isn’t that bad? She must be as good at seeing as she is at modeling. Ooooooh SNAPS!

(Read on …)

Hope everyone had a nice Easter. I just finished editing and uploading the pictures to my photo gallery. And although I didn’t bring home any eggs, the Easter Bunny delievered a basket to this 22 year old — filled with dark chocolate and candles. Man, that bunny knows me all too well.

I have to admit, ANTM snuck up on me this week. I’ve been real busy with work that I haven’t been able to devote my time deciphering what Natasha is saying whenever she opens her mouth on this show. I hope there’s more of her this week! Forget predictions about who’s going to win. I want to know the next installment of Tyra’s headwear evolution.

8:02
Is anyone else somewhat bothered with the breathy theme song? Erks me every time.

The Break Breakdown
Let’s relive this, shall we?

8:05
Why hasn’t Dionne stepped up and pushed the geeky little boy that is Sarah. The only reason she got to see the extra frame because of Dionne’s previous work in retail.

8:06
Jaslene totally knows Melrose from all her amazing work. Like ANTM Cycle 7 and … ANTM Cycle 7. Go Fug Yourself? Oh wait, I don’t know if Jaslene does anything besides that “walk.”

8:09
Why doesn’t she have a stimulating conversation with all of her hoodie scarves.

8:12
Oh dear lord. Tyra must HATE Brittany. That hair. It’s so bad. All of the worst words cannot describe!

8:13
I don’t care how important you are, don’t offer someone a hankie and tell them not to get it dirty. Son, you can afford another Hermes hankie!

8:15
Pushing Jael into the pool is giving her too much gratification. “He thinks I’m cool and wants to mess with me! Dude, let’s hula hoop out our troubles!”

The Break Breakdown
So I realized the above Natasha clip is actually a bonus clip from YouTube user Harperslee. I don’t know where she got them, but when this episode is over, I’m going to check out all the bonus issues.

(Read on …)

People may judge me for still living with my parents. To them I say, A. I’m not that old so it doesn’t matter. And B. enjoy throwing your money away for rent. But this living situation has other perks, too. They are egg-shaped funfetti cupcakes with yellow frosting and butterfly sprinkles.

Jealous? I thought so.

I’ve just witnessed the most thrilling feat of raw athleticism, sheer determination and impeccable endurance. No I’m not talking about the March Madness finals. That was at the other end of the spectrum–a depressing display that left me with $40 instead of $140. (Although even more depressing would be that if I hadn’t have picked the Stanford upset in round 1, I would have split the pot based on points. Sigh.)

Being completely honest, the money doesn’t mean a thing after I witnessed the finest sporting event ever. The name of the game? Basket Brawl: Two kiddie basketball hoops, a slick ball, and one main rule: one knee on the ground at all times. The rest of the “rules” include no below the belt, no goal tending and duct tape anything that’s bleeding. And oh, was there blood.

The first match up was only a 30 minute meeting, with a highly disproportionate team weight. Ernst was a fighter as Keith was rendered utterly useless as anything but a rag doll. Clayton and Kurt sailed to a fairly easy win. I filmed the game and will link to YouTube videos sometime soon.

Yet the main event began in the third point of the second game–precisely as my camera ran out of card space and battery. Coming from seasoned bbrawl vets and newbies alike, what followed was the most epic battle in the history of the game. Siblings Ernst and Elise teamed up against the man known as Robot and Elise’s lightweight boyfriend. They duked it out in what some could describe as a combination of grappling, basketball and pure insanity.

Elise held her own and the fire in her eyes kept sparking at opportune times. They were down and won the universe point during about the 70th minute. I’m worn out simply from uncontrolled cheering and jumping fits. Even though the glory began as the 1 GB card ran out, cheesy as it may sound, those moments will live on in our hearts and memories forever.

At 11:33 p.m. April 1, 2007 I’m wondering:

A. How one can become more sunburned after four sunscreen applications than the previous day with one sunscreen application.

B. Why I spend my resting time taking stats and forget to follow through with my demanded payment of Swedish Fish.

C. How one can be too tired to get ready for bed so they put it off for another hour and therefore lose much needed sleep.

And so I sit here, blogging instead of applying aloe vera and longing for some red gummy fish instead of getting my pajamas on. I hate to say it, but I’m predicting that tomorrow I’ll have a terrible case of the Mondays.