So, all these news reports predict a Bird Flu pandemic. Their advice? Store food under your bed! My cousin Megan and I used to do that at my grandma’s house so we could eat cookies late without having to creep around a dark kitchen. Is the whole world going to be isolated to their rooms for weeks on end? If that’s the case, I’d better get a Honey Bucket and an Internet land line (we’re talking about bare bone basics here, people!).

And why is the Bird Flu Pro smirking at America? Because he’s already got food stored under his bed. Three months worth.

Looks like I will just have to move my five-pound bag of pancake mix, 8 uncooked tortillas and a nubbin of cheese. Oh, and my Yoshida cooking sauce. And sprinkles. Yep, that rounds out the Atwood food stock. Consider me prepared.