From the Today show, via Post-Gazette.com (and Best Week Ever): Cookie and Fruit Monster?

Thursday, Aug. 24, 2006
Lauer gets Cookie Monster scoop
“Today” anchor Matt Lauer gets to the bottom of the controvery over Cookie Monster giving up cookies on today’s “Sesame Street” (10 a.m., WQED). Here’s the transcript:

Matt Lauer: Cookie Monster, the world wants to know, why have you stopped eating cookies? Isn’t it true that only moments ago you decided to eat a fruit salad instead of a cookie? So will you have to change your name now? Should we be calling you “Fruit Monster”?

Cookie Monster: Well, dat got nice ring to it, but…

Matt Lauer: Cookie Monster, the question on everyone’ lips is –

Cookie Monster: That a lot of lips!

Matt Lauer: Why?

Cookie Monster: Me like fruit.

Matt Lauer: And there you have it. Cookie Monster likes fruit, and not cookies.

Cookie Monster: No! You members of the media blow story way out of proportion! Me still like cookies!

Matt Lauer: Then why fruit?

Cookie Monster: Why not fruit? It delicious! And healthy. Me still eat cookies, like me world-famous for doing, but now me eat other things too.

Matt Lauer: So what you’e saying is, if I were to offer you this cookie, you would eat it right now?

Cookie Monster: No. Me eat fruit salad — and then me eat cookie for dessert!

Matt Lauer: Well, you heard it here first! Cookie Monster has not given up cookies. From the looks of it, he eats just about everything.

Cookie Monster: You got dat right.

Blame the Cookie Monster for the American obesity epidemic? I’m so sure. I guess Super Size Me was a fluke and Fast Food Nation will change the script to do an expose on the fear-inducing Children of the Cookie! Large golden monuments of Cookie Monster have been erected in every major metropolitan city. The Children of the Cookie stuff massive chocolate chip confections in the mouths of their former aggressors and toast a cookie to the sky as they cry, “Death to dinner! Me want cookie!”

In ten years, we’ll have skinny adolescents with sparkling teeth saying, “Me thanks Seasame Street lots! Cookie and grammar bad, nummy fruit good!”